Tough week

I was on vacation last week. It was a in-town, nothing planned vacation. While it was a bummer we didn't go anywhere special this year, I did get a lot of needed chores done in my home. Winter will be upon us before we know it and we skipped spring cleaning so pre-fall cleaning was in order.

Another bonus is I was able to finally complete my bedroom! Before I whine about my struggles with food, take a look at my bedroom! I feel like a 5 year old little girl that finally got the room she dreamed of. My dear husband indulged into my fantasy (and I think he likes it as much as I do but wouldn't admit it in a million years. Shhhh, our little secret.)

The dresser on the right will be refinished soon. Another weekend project, plan to refinish in antique black to match the side tables.

:)










Cravings hit hard while I was on vacation. The urge to weigh also kicked into higher gear. Fret not my friends, I did not weigh. I almost used the cat as a rational/logical way to weigh. Laughing at the thought that I almost tricked myself! How much does the cat weigh? Oh I know! I can get on then pick up the cat. Ha!

We did eat out twice (still maintained healthier choices) but we also had Baskin Robbins twice. I did get one scoop of ice cream, no cone however, we did all share a banana split the second time. I was pretty satisfied. We still did walk daily (not as much as my usual week but still kept active).

Today, we held a birthday party at our home for my mother in law's birthday. Made burgers (pork/turkey  for me, beef for the rest), homemade potato salad, fresh garden salad. Ice cream cake for dessert. I did not restrained myself from enjoying the food prepared and had a nice big piece of cake. Even went for more cake later. I started to feel shitty. Wanting to lay it hard on myself for eating all that food.

Normally, my husband is just plain clueless in how to help or support me when the eating disorder in me comes out. He shocked me tonight. Listened to me start to ream myself (in other words, vent) and said he still felt I did well and will continue to do well. Maybe he is right. While I feel I still over ate, the old me definitely would have consumed much much more. In turn, eating even more out of self pity.

*deep breath*

I'm not going to say that tomorrow will be better, I will get back on track or anything of the sort. There is no getting back to, there is no better tomorrow. There is nothing to feel guilty for in the first place. Today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow. Just as I can't change the past, can't change today nor demand tomorrow be any different than from what it will be. I will have to wake up and face it as I do any morning. Good, bad or indifferent.

Having a love/hate relationship with my self discovery journey. I'm learning to be more vocal of what I want without sounding like I am being selfish (I hope). While demanding more of myself, also learning when to step back and take a deep breath. Is it really worth getting flustered over? The balance is challenging as well as refreshing to learn.